To-do Phrases
“Tell me and I will forget. Show me and I will remember. Inspire me and I will get involved.”
—Benjamin Franklin, paraphrasing Buddha
Sometimes, it is okay to tell, but not always. In Deep POV, the goal is to show what is happening and not tell or explain the reason to the reader. Just show the evidence and the reaction.
To-do phrases, also known as full infinitive or to-infinitive phrases, are used to tell (explain) why a character does something (this or that).
These to-do phrases often replace “in order to” phrases.
Most to-do phrases start with because, by, to, and with, followed by an action verb or adverb, but not always. With practice, you will spot these unwanted to-do telling/explaining phrases.
Note:
You cannot reword every instance of a to-do phrase (full infinitive or to-infinitive) in your manuscript, but you will find many you can.
Clue words:
A few common to-do phrase examples:
| because he |
to explore |
to sleep |
| because of |
to find |
to stead |
| because she |
to focus |
to stop |
| because the |
to get |
to take |
| because they |
to grab |
to tell |
| by her |
to have |
to thank |
| by his |
to hear |
to touch |
| by the |
to keep |
to wait |
| by their |
to look |
to watch |
| in order to |
to make |
with her |
| to accept |
to open |
with his |
| to ask |
to reach |
with the |
| to be |
to rush |
with their |
| to do |
to see |
|
| to explode |
to sit |
|
Issue: (to kiss)
Joe scooted closer to kiss Sue.
♦ Grammatically, this sentence is correct. But this is explaining/telling why/how Joe is doing something.
Fix:
Joe scooted closer and kissed Sue.
♦ Removing the to-do phrase “to kiss” reads better.
Issue: (with the)
The knife slid off the table. Joe caught it, but he cut his fingers
with the sharp blade.
♦ There is nothing wrong with this sentence. But if you want to write tighter and deeper, this violates Deep POV principles. This is explaining/telling why/how Joe cut his fingers.
Fix:
The sharp knife slid off the table. Joe caught it, but he cut his fingers.
♦ Removing the explaining/telling to-do phrase “with the” makes this sentence more to the point.
Or.
The sharp knife slid off the table. Joe caught it, and blood dropped from his hand.
♦ This sentence reads better. It has more imagery. Here, the word “cut” is not used. The reader knows by the blood dripping that Joe cut his hand. This imagery boosts the reader’s imagination.
Realated:
To-do phrases (infinitives) can be made worse by starting the phrase with the word forms of “begin, start, want, turn, and try.”
These phrases make a sentence wordy and ambiguous, a common issue with novice writers.
Examples:
| began to run |
starts to cry |
turning to look |
| begin to run |
tried to run |
turns to look |
| beginning to run |
tries to run |
want to cry |
| begins to run |
try to run |
wanted to cry |
| start to cry |
trying to run |
wanting to cry |
| started to cry |
turn to look |
wants to cry |
| starting to cry |
turned to look |
|
If something is happening, cut the wordiness and show what is happening.
Issue: (began to run)
Sue began to run into the alley.
♦ Did Sue run or not? If she ran, why say
“began to run?”
Fix:
Sue ran into the alley.
Issue: (started to fall)
Snowflakes started to fall
on the windowsill.
♦ Did the snowflakes fall or not? Get to the point.
Fix:
Snowflakes fell on the windowsill.
Or.
Snowflakes floated in the air and settled on the windowsill.
Issue: (wanted to run)
Sue wanted to run into the alley.
♦ If Sue is undecided about running into the alley. If that is the case, say so. Otherwise, get rid of “wanted to run.”
Fix:
Sue ran into the alley.
♦ This reads better, to the point, and less wordy. What if you want to show Sue hesitating before running into the alley?
Or
Sue scanned the dark alley, took a deep breath, and darted into the alley.
Issue: (tuned to look)
Sue turned to look at her boyfriend.
♦ This is explaining/telling.
Fix:
Sue faced her boyfriend.
Or
Sue locked her gaze on her boyfriend.
In Summary:
The more you avoid these pesky to-do (full infinitive, to-infinitive) explaining/telling phrases, the tighter your writing will become. Doing this will also enhance the plot.
Yes, some writers use the “begin to, start to, want to” phrase to show a pause in the action (motion).
But eliminating most of these telling, wordy phrases will make your writing more to the point and more engaging for the reader.