Timing Words
“Story is metaphor for life and life is lived in time.”
—Robert McKee
Timing issues happen when words are used in a sentence that disrupts the sequence of a scene or implies urgency. Most often, these words are telling rather than showing.
Two categories:
- Sequence Words
- Urgency Words
Sequence Words
Sequence words tell (explain) the order of events in a scene. These words are unnecessary, will distance the reader, and may cause some confusion, which is a speed bump for the reader and a Deep POV violation.
Common sequence words:
Issue: (after)
Sam inserted the magazine into the rifle
after loading it.
♦ This sentence is out of sequence. In the real world, a person loads a magazine first. Then insert it into the rifle.
Issue: (before)
Sam loaded the magazine before inserting it into the rifle.
♦ This sequence is correct, but the word “before” is not necessary and creates a distance for the reader.
Fix:
Sam loaded the magazine and inserted it into the rifle.
Or.
Sam loaded the magazine and shoved it into the rifle.
♦ These examples are more engaging.
Issue: (after)
The officer returned the salute after Joe saluted.
♦ In the military, a low-ranking soldier salutes an officer first. In this example, the officer salutes first, then Joe. The sentence reads confusing, which is a speed bump for the reader.
Issue: (before)
Joe saluted before the officer saluted.
♦ This example has the right sequence, but the word “before” creates a distance for the reader.
Fix:
Joe saluted, and the officer returned the salute.
Or.
Joe offered a sharp salute, and the officer returned the gesture.
♦ Avoiding the “before” and “after” sequence words made these examples read more to the point.
Issue: (after)
Scott holstered his service pistol after he left the room.
Fix:
Scott left the room and holstered his service pistol.
Or.
Scott holstered his service pistol and left the room.
Urgency Words
Urgency words have two issues:
- These words tell (explain) the reader that fast-moving time has occurred.
- These words are adverbs.
Most adverbs can be removed without affecting the meaning of the sentence. If you avoid adverbs, you will not have telling (explaining) urgency issues.
Common urgency words:
- abruptly
- immediately
- instantly
- quickly
- suddenly
- swiftly
Issue: (immediately)
Joe opened the back gate, and his dog
immediately ran out.
♦ The word “immediately” had two issues. It’s used to tell/explain the urgency, and it’s also an adverb.
Fix:
Joe opened the back gate, and his dog ran out.
Or.
Joe opened the back gate. Crap! His dog bolted out.
Issue: (suddenly)
Joe wiggled out a loose brick from the old wall, and
suddenly the wall came tumbling down.
♦ In this example, “suddenly” is used to tell/explain urgency.
Fix:
Joe wiggled out a loose brick from the old wall. Crap! He jumped back, and the wall tumbled.
Issue: (immediately)
Joe set his cell phone on the table, and his girlfriend
immediately grabbed it.
Fix:
Joe set his cell phone on the table, and his girlfriend grabbed it.
Or.
Joe set his cell phone on the table. “Wait!” Too late, his girlfriend grabbed it.
Tip:
Use MS Word’s (Ctrl + F) find text feature and search your chapter or manuscript for after, before, abruptly, immediately, instantly, quickly, suddenly, and swiftly.
Rewording the sentences will tighten the writing and draw the reader closer.
In Summary:
This concept might seem nitpicky, but in the long run, it will make your narrative read smoother and more engaging.